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June 19, 2024
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What is love? It's not about singing love poems for her. Love is a big word, a complicated emotion and the foundation of all human relationships. But within the broad category of love the Bible gives us a more nuanced view through four Greek words: Agape, Philia, Storge and Eros. Understanding these different types of love can help us understand relationships and guide us to building better, more fulfilling relationships with our spouse.
1. Agape: The Divine Hug
Agape is often described as the highest form of love. It’s selfless, unconditional love that puts the other person’s needs above our own desires. This love comes from God himself who demonstrated Agape by sending his son Jesus Christ to die for humanity (John 3:16). In relationships Agape means we put our spouse’s needs before our own, forgive freely and commit unwaveringly even in hard times. It’s a love that goes beyond fleeting emotions and is rooted in a deep choice to love.
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How Agape Deepens Your Bond:
- Selfless acts of service: Doing chores without being asked, making their favorite meal or giving a back rub shows you put their needs above your own.
- Unconditional forgiveness: Holding grudges creates distance. Forgiveness allows you to move forward together and deepen the bond.
- Unwavering commitment: Knowing you’re “all in” creates a safe space for vulnerability and deeper intimacy.
2. Philia: The Bond of Friendship
Philia is a deep friendship, a love built on shared experiences, mutual respect and genuine affection. It’s the love we have for close friends, those we choose to walk beside in life’s journey. Philia involves loyalty, trust and open communication. It thrives on shared interests and activities but also provides a safe space for vulnerability and support. In romantic relationships a strong foundation of Philia allows couples to navigate challenges together and build a relationship that goes beyond passion.
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How Philia Deepens Your Bond:
- Open communication: Talk openly and honestly about your feelings, needs and dreams.
- Shared activities: Make time for hobbies and interests you both enjoy or try new things together.
- Laughter and Fun: Don’t take yourselves too seriously! Shared laughter builds connection and creates happy memories.
3. Storge: The Familial Affection
Storge is a natural love and affection often seen between family members. It’s the love and acceptance that comes from building a life together, sharing experiences and raising a family. It’s the sense of security and comfort of knowing you are loved for who you are.
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How Storge Deepens Your Bond:
- Shared memories: Look back on the good times and create a sense of shared history and nostalgia.
- Family traditions: Create traditions for milestones and holidays to deepen the sense of oneness.
- Sense of belonging: Create a safe space for your spouse to feel accepted and loved no matter what.
4. Eros: The Spark of Passion
Eros is the most romantic type of love, passion, desire and physical attraction. It’s the spark that ignites new relationships, the excitement and anticipation of the early days of love. Eros is important for intimacy and emotional connection but on its own it’s not enough to sustain a long term relationship.
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How Eros Deepens Your Bond:
- Maintain physical intimacy: Keep the spark alive with regular intimacy.
- Plan special dates: Make time for romance even if it’s just a walk or a candlelit dinner.
- Physical touch: A hug, a kiss or holding hands can show affection and keep the passion alive.
Can They Co-Exist at the Same Time?
Yes, These four loves aren’t mutually exclusive; they can coexist and intertwine in a healthy relationship. A strong bond often starts with Eros, the initial spark of attraction. As couples spend time together Philia (friendship) develops, trust and understanding grows. Over time Storge (familial love) deepens as a life is built together. Ideally these different loves culminate in a mature Agape, a selfless love that weathers the storms and strengthens the bond over time.
Balance
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These four loves don’t develop at the same rate. In the early days of a relationship Eros will be most dominant. As the relationship grows Philia and Storge will emerge. At the lats what remains is the Agape.
